Feng Shui This Too!
We all know that clutter is our worst enemy. This certainly is true. Did you ever come into your home at night after a grueling day of work and have to deal with dishes in the sink, baskets of unfolded laundry, unopened mail on your kitchen table and groceries that perhaps haven’t had a chance to be put away? Was your bed not made? Was the bathroom a mess? Was the rec or living room filled with your children’s toys, schoolbooks or school projects that you actually had to tiptoe around because you didn’t know where these things belonged? Do you just throw your scarves, hats, gloves and coats anywhere in the house or do you hang them up? Do you want to mend a piece of clothing, but then a friend or partner invites you out to dinner or a movie and the clothing stays where it is until the next time you get the urge to mend? Do you actually feel good in this type of environment?
by Vikki Anderson
I know a senior woman who is like my second mother who has had a clutter issue since her son returned from the military 12 years ago. He has overtaken her house with his book and sci fi collections. Before his return, you could have eaten off of her floor. She was vibrant, healthy, always had friends to her house and many of her friends would surprised her on her birthday or other special occasion by bringing cakes and goodies to celebrate. There is absolutely no room to even stand in the house now unless she actually moves boxes, ironing rack and board, loose change, unopened mail, boxes of junk and other things that she admits she doesn’t even know what they are!
Her son’s room is so full of trash that he now sleeps in his mother’s room because he can’t fit into his room. His 83-year-old mother sleeps in a reclining chair in the living room each night where there is a tiny path from room to room in which to walk. There is dust everywhere. My sister and I continuously tell her to kick out her son who is in his fifties and is taking advantage of the situation, but of course, she will not. We learned that she will not get rid of anything either. So together, they manifest a Feng Shui disaster.
Now, both her son and she are in very poor health. I dislike calling and asking how she is as I get an hour’s dissertation on everything that is wrong with her and how many pills she is on and all of her scheduled doctor appointments for the following months. She has had many operations in the past few years on her hand for carpal tunnel, back surgery, heart problems, balance issues, eye problems, allergy problems (from the dusty house!) and circulation problems. She is constantly depressed now because of the state of her house and her health and is on anti-depressants. Her son has problems with his back, allergies, he cannot walk properly and is always in a very negative and angry mood. He doesn’t think anything is wrong with him and continues to collect junk.
The sad thing is that he got a newer truck and he parked his old rusty truck in the front of his mother’s house on the front lawn as they share a joint driveway, which is filled with more stuff and he can’t release the truck to the junk dealer until he gets time to go through the stuff in the rear cab. This has been parked there for over five years.
So what does this say about this situation? My second mom needs to become more assertive and start throwing out his stuff as well as some of her own. She needs to clean up the house, vacuum, dust, get things back in order and perhaps have her son get yet another storage unit outside of the house for all of his stuff. He has a very dominant personality and she does not, so he rules “her” home.
Many of her Chinese friends who practice Feng Shui agreed with my assessment of her ailments – it is the clutter and poor Feng Shui of the house. She agrees with us, but is so overwhelmed that nothing gets done. I offer to help, but that will last one day and the next time I visit, the house has more junk than before. In actuality, I have given up trying to change someone’s life. Maybe it’s her life path; however, it is upsetting to see someone live this way when it was not their pattern until her son returned to move in with her.
What can you do in a situation like this; unfortunately, not much. But if I were on a consultation with this type of situation, the first thing I would suggest is to “get rid of the clutter.” That is what is stifling the chi (lack of energy flow) throughout the house, which is causing poor health. My whole family has told me that they feel sick just by visiting this home for an hour or two, so I couldn’t imagine living in this type of environment full time. It must be physically, mentally and emotionally draining and exhausting. I would also suggest chimes near the front and back doors to get some energy flow through the space. Dusting would help as well since both occupants of the house have the worse allergies they have had in years. No one can get over anything to dust!
On my last telephone call to her, I told her how her untidy house was affecting her health and she agreed and said she had to do something about the mess. I told her she had said that at least 2 years ago and nothing was accomplished since then. She then told me that she had another call – I don’t think she wanted to hear the truth, so I let her hang up.
It is sad that hardly anyone visits her any more because no one feels comfortable in that house. We do try to take her out for breakfast or dinner from time to time, but she is always so sick that she rarely comes out with us anymore and never spends the holidays with us, as she always used to. She is depressed, sickly and disheartened but doesn’t understand why.
My point is not to bash my “second mom” as she had always been there for me in the past; however, there comes a point when you can give it your all to try to change things in someone’s life for the better, but they have to be ready to accept the help and want to change. If they are not ready, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
Do not let your house get in this condition. Do not let things just pile up and get dusty. One day you will wake up and wonder how the house got that way. You should do a little each day by putting things in their proper place. Do not toss coats, scarves, gloves, hats, shoes, boots, laundry, opened boxes of food, etc., all over the place and then discover one day that you are overwhelmed and do not have the energy or time to handle this additional mess.
Be smart! Get organized or hire someone who can organize your home or office for you and declutter, declutter, declutter! Get rid of garbage in your space or the things you don’t love, need or want any longer. Get rid of clothing that you don’t fit into. If you do lose the weight, you can treat yourself to a new wardrobe, but for now, just donate it to someone or your favorite charitable organization. They will be happy with the gifts and you will be happy that the item could be used and better yet, that the item is out of your house.